"Parents can prepare for these conversations by broaching age-appropriate topics and practicing effective communication methods with their kids.”
Discussing sex education with kids can often be difficult or awkward. It is important to discuss it however, as it teaches kids about their bodies, about making safe and healthy decisions, and fosters open, honest dialogue between parent and child. Read on for some suggestions on talking openly about this sensitive subject with your kids.
Introduce the Topic of Sex to Your Kids
Introducing the topic of sex to your kids is an important parenting skill to have. Experts recommend that parents begin talking to their children about sex before any formal sex education in school. As children enter adolescence, the conversation should expand to include topics such as consent, healthy relationships, contraception, and the emotional aspects of sexual intimacy.
As kids grow, their comprehension of sex and sexuality changes, so it is essential to tailor the conversation accordingly. For example, when discussing sex with preschool-aged kids, parents should focus on introducing basic concepts like proper names for body parts and relationships between family members.
With school-aged or adolescent kids, parents can cover more complex topics such as sexual health, gender identity issues, and concerns about sexual safety.
Parents can help build trust and respect between themselves and their kids through these conversations while ensuring that their kids have a comprehensive understanding of sexual health as they enter teen or adulthood.
Explaining Puberty
Puberty is often a confusing period in a child’s life. Parents should discuss these topics in a safe and non-judgmental environment with their kids so that they can gain a better understanding of their changing bodies and feelings. Parents should discuss their child’s physical changes, such as growing taller or developing acne.
Hormones change the way a kid’s body looks on the outside, but they also cause changes on the inside. During puberty, kids may feel confused or experience strong emotions that they have never experienced before. They may be overly sensitive or easily upset. Parents should address emotional changes or the development of deeper relationships with friends as well as crushes.
Boys begin puberty between the ages of 9 and 14 and typically reach puberty two years later than girls. If your son begins to show signs of puberty before age 9 or no signs of puberty have appeared by age 15, talk to a doctor about it. Signs of puberty that you can tell your boys to look out for include:
- Coarse, curly hair sprouting above the penis and on the scrotum
- Testicles will get bigger
- Erections may start to happen
- Ejaculation: the release of sperm containing semen – will occur
- Ejaculation during sleep may happen, and is called a ‘wet dream’
- Hair will continue to grow under arms and on the face
- The voice will crack and grow deeper
Girls typically start puberty 2 years earlier than boys, between the ages of 8 and 13. Periods (menstruation) typically begin around the age of 12. Signs of puberty that you can tell your girls to look out for include:
- Breast development
- Coarse, curly hair appearing on the labia
- Hair growing in the underarms
- Hips will start to widen
- Abdominal cramps just before their first period
- Spotting of blood on the underwear just before their first period
Both boys and girls will undergo emotional changes in varied ways. Some changes to look out for include:
- When kids start worrying about what people think of their appearance
- They may start to concentrate more on the way they look and dress
- Becoming more concerned about their privacy
- They may become moodier
- Kids might want to focus on their friends rather than their families, showing less affection towards parents
Books, Podcasts, Videos, and Other Resources
Parents can provide their kids with resources to help them navigate the complex issues surrounding sex education. By doing so, parents offer their kids reliable and accurate information about sex and sexual health. These can include websites, books, pamphlets, podcasts, and even online forums where kids can ask questions in a safe, nonjudgmental environment.
Here are some books, podcasts, and videos on teaching kids about sex, puberty, and relationships:
Books
Ready, Set, Grow! by Lynda Madaras: This book contains everything you need to know about girls’ bodies and puberty. Detailed, but written in a friendly tone that addresses typical teenage angst. Suitable for preparing younger girls for puberty or for girls who have already begun puberty.
Let’s Talk about Body Boundaries, Consent & Respect by Jayneen Sanders: A fantastic resource for discussing consent in a thoughtful and non-threatening manner, ensuring that kids understand their body safety rights while also respecting the rights of other kids.
How to Talk to Your Child About Sex by Linda and Richard Eyre: The authors emphasize that it is never too early or too late to begin discussing sex and values with your kids, and they have tried-and-true methods for making it easier.
Podcasts
ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show: Talking with your spouse or partner, strategizing, and committing to answering truthfully to your children about sex are some of the action plans Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo recommend to parents in this podcast.
Life Kit: What are sex, genitals, consent, and self-touching? This episode of the podcast assists parents in overcoming their ambiguity and discomfort about sex education so that they can raise healthy and responsible kids.
Conversations with Dr. Jennifer: This Podcast covers why discussing sex with kids can be so difficult. This includes how to be a good mentor in early childhood to adulthood and age-appropriate sexuality conversations to have with your kids.
Videos
Vanessa and Xander Marin: Did you know that children who talk about sex with their parents make better decisions about their sexual lives? This video provides you with more information. Vanessa is a sex therapist, and together with her husband helps parents who are struggling to talk to their children about sex and offers advice.
Nicholeen Peck – Teaching Self Government: Nicholeen Peck is regarded as one of the most effective parenting experts in the world. Discussions centre around fixing behavioral issues in children, increasing family unity, or simply strengthening family relationships. In this episode, she discusses sex education and other age-appropriate topics.
Watchwellcast: This video explains the stages of puberty as well as what happens in children’s bodies and minds during puberty. Watchwellcast also decodes puberty in girls and boys in separate videos with great animation.
Providing resources will help kids gain the knowledge they need to make informed decisions. Parents must provide factual information to their kids rather than making up answers or using slang terms.
Kids should also be taught that it is acceptable to not have all of the answers. They can be encouraged to seek trustworthy information or guidance from healthcare providers, educators, or other responsible adults when in doubt.
Emphasise Consent, Respect, and Boundaries
When discussing sex with their kids, parents should emphasise the importance of consent and respect. Explain that:
- all sexual activity must be consensual and that anyone can say “no” at any time without repercussions.
- respect means honouring people’s boundaries
Sexual abuse is an often-overlooked topic in parenting and sex education. Parents need to discuss this subject with their kids because sexual abuse can have long-term psychological and physical effects on victims. Explain to kids that any type of unwanted or nonconsensual contact with private body parts, including touching, fondling, kissing, or intercourse, is considered sexual abuse.
Rape, incest, child molestation, and other forms of relationship coercion are serious topics that ought to be discussed and understood as well. Parents should also discuss how anyone, regardless of gender identity or age, can be a victim; and that no one has the right to force someone into unwanted sexual contact.
Remind your kids that if they ever feel uncomfortable in a situation or suspect that they have been sexually abused, they can always seek help. Encourage your kids to come forward if anything inappropriate occurs. Make sure your kids know who they can turn to besides you if they feel unsafe or scared, such as teachers, nurses, doctors at school, or healthcare professionals outside of school.
Discuss Abstinence-Only Approach vs Other Options
When discussing sex education with kids, parents may choose the abstinence-only approach, but it is ineffective in providing comprehensive sex education. It can even lead to negative outcomes such as higher rates of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections amongst teens. This method only offers abstinence as a means of protection against such risks, which is insufficient.
To provide their kids with a more informed perspective on sex, parents can opt for a more comprehensive approach that includes topics such as STD (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) awareness, contraception, and consent. This method of sex education is more effective in lowering STI (Sexually Transmitted Infections) rates and unwanted pregnancies.
Sex education is critical for kids of all ages. It teaches kids about their bodies and how they work, as well as about self-esteem and relationships. When parents communicate their opinions and advice in a well-informed manner and in a loving, accepting environment, kids can grow up safe and healthy.
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