Goals

Are You a Tiger Parent or an Elephant Parent?

Nadya Sharfina · November 18, 2024 · Leave a Comment

"Parenting is a journey of knowing when to push and when to protect, always with love in mind."

When it comes to parenting styles, two distinct approaches often emerge: tiger parenting and elephant parenting. Tiger parenting is about being strict, enforcing discipline, and pushing for success. In contrast, elephant parenting leans toward a more nurturing and protective style. They prioritise open communication and understanding, helping kids feel secure in expressing their thoughts and feelings.

But what are the other signs that define these styles? What kind of parent are you? What is the best parenting style for your family? Finding the right approach may involve blending elements from both styles to meet your child’s needs.

1. Tiger Parenting Signs

Chasing Perfection

Tiger parents often hold their children to extremely high standards, where nothing less than perfection is acceptable. If a child comes home with a B on a test, it’s seen as a disappointment rather than an accomplishment. Even if the child has done their best, tiger parents believe they can still push harder and achieve more. They are convinced their child has more potential that just needs to be unlocked through continuous effort. This pursuit of perfection isn’t limited to academics. Whether it’s excelling in sports like football or mastering a musical instrument like the piano, tiger parents expect their children to be at the top of their game in every area. Settling for less is not an option, and the pressure to achieve perfection can be constant.

Rules Are a Must
In a tiger parent’s household, rules are strict and non-negotiable. These rules are created to maintain discipline and ensure the child stays on the path to success. From completing homework on time to sticking to a specific bedtime, numerous guidelines govern a child’s daily life. Tiger parents make sure their children understand that rules are meant to be followed, not broken. If a rule is violated, consequences follow swiftly and firmly. This reinforces the belief that discipline and respect for rules are essential for success in life, and any deviation from them could lead to undesirable outcomes.

You Set the Priorities
In tiger parenting, parents typically take full control over what’s important in their child’s life. Believing they know what’s best, they set the path and expectations for their children, laying out clear guidelines and determining the priorities to follow. Tiger parents often dictate career aspirations, effectively mapping out their child’s future. The pressure is on for children to meet these ambitions, often requiring them to pursue the dreams their parents envision rather than their own. In this dynamic, a child’s personal preferences and passions often take a backseat, as the parents’ decisions guide the trajectory of their future.

Every Move Counts
Parents who adopt this style are intensely engaged in nearly every facet of their child’s life, including social interactions. Nothing escapes their attention. For example, instead of allowing their child to hang out with friends after school, they’ll ensure homework is completed and extracurricular activities are prioritised. In some cases, they may even control which friends their child is allowed to spend time with, believing that surrounding them with the “right” influences will lead to better outcomes. There’s little room for laziness in this environment; productivity is key. Tiger parents consistently guide their children on what to do and how to do it, reinforcing the idea that every move counts toward achieving their goals.

Success Is Key
Success is the ultimate goal for tiger parents. They emphasise to their children the importance of being successful in every endeavour. Failure is not seen as the end, but rather as a stepping stone to try harder and push further. If their child fails at something, tiger parents will encourage, or sometimes even demand, that they try again until they succeed. The mindset is that giving up is never an option, and there’s always room for improvement. This constant push for more can help children strive for excellence, but it also means there’s little time for rest or complacency. The pressure to continuously achieve and reach new heights is ever-present in a tiger parent’s household.

2. Elephant Parenting Signs

Give Emotional Support
Elephant parents possess nurturing qualities that focus on creating a supportive environment for their children. They prioritise emotional well-being and strive to build a safe space where kids can express their feelings openly. For instance, if a child comes home upset about receiving bad grades, the elephant parent is the first to step in to cheer them up. Rather than responding with criticism, they listen attentively, validate their child’s feelings, and provide words of encouragement. By boosting their child’s confidence and reassuring them that improvement is possible, they emphasise the belief that with effort and perseverance, achieving excellent scores is within reach.

Navigating Together
These parents do not believe in making every decision or taking every action on behalf of their child. Instead, they prioritise communication and foster a collaborative decision-making process. They ask their children about their interests, desires, and feelings regarding various activities. By doing so, they empower their children to take ownership of their choices and consider their happiness and satisfaction in each decision. This approach encourages self-reflection and helps children develop critical thinking skills, as they learn to weigh options and make informed choices.

Make a Comfortable Environment
A key aspect of this parenting style is the effort to create a comfortable space where children feel at ease asking for help or discussing their challenges. By understanding the importance of building trust and rapport, parents ensure that kids know they can come to them without fear of judgement. Unlike tiger parenting styles, elephant parents teach independence differently by allowing their kids to develop at their own pace. They recognise that each child is unique and may need varying levels of support. When their children face obstacles, elephant parents remain ready to offer assistance and guidance, promoting a healthy balance between independence and support. This open atmosphere encourages children to communicate freely about their struggles and triumphs, fostering a strong parent-child bond.

Tendency to Be More Flexible
Elephant parents tend to avoid strict rules and instead prefer to be flexible with their expectations. They recognise that every situation is different, understanding that what works for one child or circumstance may not work for another. This adaptability allows them to tailor their approach based on their child’s needs, mood, or external circumstances. For example, if a child is feeling overwhelmed with schoolwork, an elephant parent may relax certain expectations or provide extra support during that time. This flexibility promotes a sense of understanding and cooperation within the family, making it easier for children to thrive.

Promote Prosocial Behavior
Encouraging children to socialise with friends is an important aspect of this parenting style, as long as they demonstrate responsibility in their interactions. There is a strong belief that developing solid friendships plays a crucial role in a child’s emotional and social development. They also emphasise the importance of acting with kindness and empathy towards others. By instilling values such as helpfulness and generosity, these parents teach their children to be considerate and compassionate individuals. They model prosocial behaviour in their actions, demonstrating how to be respectful and supportive in various situations.

3. Pros and Cons of Each Parenting Style

Tiger Parenting Pros and Cons
One of the key advantages of tiger parenting is that children often develop a wide range of skills. This approach instils a strong sense of productivity and ambition, encouraging kids to strive for excellence in various areas. The discipline fostered in a tiger-parent household can lead to children who are goal-oriented and driven, equipping them with the tools to tackle challenges head-on. This foundation of hard work and dedication can set them up for future success in both their personal and professional lives.

However, the intensity of tiger parenting comes with its downsides. Children raised in this environment may struggle with failure, as they might not have learned how to cope with setbacks constructively. This can lead to a lack of empathy towards themselves and others, making it hard for them to express their feelings openly. The pressure to achieve can create a fear of disappointing their parents, which may inhibit emotional development and make it difficult for them to form meaningful connections with peers.

Elephant Parenting Pros and Cons
On the flip side, elephant parenting offers its own set of advantages. By creating a safe space for their children, elephant parents encourage open communication and healthy human interaction. This nurturing environment helps foster strong emotional bonds between parents and children, allowing kids to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. The emphasis on empathy and understanding can lead to well-adjusted individuals who value relationships and emotional intelligence.

Yet, there are some potential drawbacks to elephant parenting. The flexibility that defines this approach might not always meet the expectations of parents who desire more structure or accountability. Some children may take advantage of this leniency, leading to a lack of motivation or direction in their pursuits. In situations where clear guidance is needed, the absence of firm boundaries can leave kids feeling unsure of how to navigate challenges.

4. Finding the Right Approach for Your Family

So, which approach is best for you? Every child is unique and may require different parenting styles as they grow and develop. There are moments in parenting that call for tiger and elephant strategies, and balancing the two can provide the best of both worlds. It’s essential to avoid being too extreme in either direction; a mix of structure and support can create a well-rounded environment for your child.

It’s also important to foster mutual respect and understanding between parents and children. Make sure to be there for them—not just as a coach pushing for performance, but as a supportive parent who listens and guides. Always remember that mental health is crucial; don’t underestimate its importance. Regularly check in on your child to see how they’re feeling emotionally and mentally. The lessons you teach them when they’re young will have lasting effects as they grow older, shaping their values and behaviours in the long run.

Ultimately, both you and your child are on a learning journey. You are learning how to be a good parent, while they are figuring out how to be a good child. Embracing this collaborative growth can lead to a healthy, nurturing relationship that benefits everyone involved.

Is It Selfish for Parents to Pursue Time-Consuming Goals?

Nadya Sharfina · October 16, 2024 · Leave a Comment

"Prioritizing your dreams isn't selfish—it can lead to a more fulfilling life for both you and your family."

Parents, have you ever caught yourself feeling a bit selfish for choosing to prioritise your dreams and ambitions? It’s a common thought among parents who want to pick up a new time consuming sport like golf, mountaineering or diving or perhaps fulfil their dream of travelling to every continent. With a partner and kids in the mix, the decisions you make always impact more than just yourself.

Exploring this question can shape how you balance your personal ambitions with the responsibilities of parenthood. Understanding that your dreams are valid and worth pursuing can lead to a more fulfilling life, not just for you, but for your entire family. So, let’s delve deeper into whether it’s truly selfish to put yourself first sometimes.

Find the Right Partner to Support You

Pursuing personal dreams as a parent can be a balancing act, but it all starts with finding the right partner. When seeking someone to share your life with, choose a person who aligns with your aspirations rather than someone who creates obstacles in your path. A supportive partner understands the importance of your goals and encourages you to chase them, fostering an environment where you can thrive both as an individual and a parent.

A supportive partner plays an essential role in helping you achieve your dreams. They should be someone who not only acknowledges your aspirations but also actively encourages you to pursue them. When you have a partner who believes in your goals, it creates an environment where both of you can thrive. This collaboration not only enriches your relationship but also sets a positive example for your children, showing them the importance of following their passions.

When you have children, it’s even more critical to have a partner who acts as your backup. A supportive partner understands the demands of parenthood and is willing to step in when necessary, allowing you the time and space to focus on your dreams. This mutual support fosters a strong family dynamic where both parents are working toward common goals. In this way, children learn the value of teamwork and commitment.

Make Your Strategy

If you’re genuinely passionate about pursuing your dreams as a parent, then it’s time to go for it. However, passion alone isn’t enough; you need a solid strategy to ensure you can achieve your goals while balancing your responsibilities.

Take, for example, the pursuit of a master’s degree. Before diving in, consider several key questions: How long will it take to complete the program? Where do you want to study? If studying abroad is part of your plan, do you have the resources and support to make it work? Think about whether you can handle the demands of coursework, papers, and exams alongside parenting duties. This level of self-reflection is vital; you need to understand what you’re committing to and whether it’s feasible in your current situation.

It’s also a good idea to write down your goals and set clear deadlines. Putting your aspirations on paper can give you a sense of direction and accountability. Break your larger goals into smaller, manageable steps, and assign realistic timelines to each one.

Pursuing your goals may require sacrifices, both for yourself and your family. Approach your ambitions with seriousness and dedication, recognising the impact your choices will have on those around you.

Creating Balance

Start by taking a close look at your household’s daily routines. Consider what time your children leave for school and when they return home. These insights will help you identify pockets of time that can be used productively.

If you have some time in the morning, you might want to use that to take advantage of those morning hours to engage in activities that fuel your passions or simply enjoy hobbies that bring you joy.

It’s also essential to consider your partner’s schedule. What time do they usually come home? This information can help you adjust your plans accordingly, ensuring that you’re both on the same page when it comes to household responsibilities and personal time.

At the end of the day, it’s all about balance—figuring out how to blend your personal goals with family life. With some thoughtful planning and a bit of flexibility, you can create a happy environment where both your dreams and your family can flourish together.

Kids Are Not Barriers to Your Aspirations

It’s also important to shift your mindset about pursuing your goals as a parent. Sometimes, we think our kids are the main obstacles standing in the way of our dreams, but that’s not the case. The reality is that it’s up to you to determine how much passion and commitment you’re willing to invest in achieving those dreams. If your ambitions truly matter to you, go for it! Life is short, and you only get one shot at it. Creating a healthy environment is essential for both you and your children. Many parents have successfully pursued their dreams while juggling the demands of parenting. You can absolutely do the same! By actively working toward your goals, you not only enrich your own life but also create an inspiring atmosphere for your kids.

When your children see you pursuing your passions, they learn that it’s possible to chase dreams and be a dedicated parent at the same time. This motivation can have a lasting impact on them. They’ll grow up with the understanding that marriage or having kids doesn’t have to be a barrier to personal fulfilment. Instead, they’ll view it as a part of a balanced life where dreams and responsibilities can coexist harmoniously.

Don’t Feel Guilty About Pursuing Your Dreams

Photo by Photo By: Kaboompics.com on Pexels

Everybody has dreams, and a lot of them were there long before we become parents or got married. Whether it’s climbing the career ladder, working on a personal project, or seeking more education, those dreams are central to your identity. It’s important to distinguish between being selfish and simply going after what you want in life. Going after your passions doesn’t mean you’re ignoring your responsibilities; it shows you’re committed to personal growth and happiness.

Chasing your dreams doesn’t equate to neglecting your husband or kids. You’re still committed to your family and their needs. Being a parent doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your identity or ambitions completely. It’s about striking a balance and ensuring that your personal goals are aligned with your family’s well-being. You’re not being a burden to the people in your life by seeking your own benefit; instead, you’re setting an example of how to live a fulfilling life.

That said, it’s essential to ensure that everyone around you is comfortable with your decisions. Open communication is key; let your family know what you’re working toward and how it may impact your time together. Pursuing your dreams is not only valuable for you but can also positively influence your children by teaching them the importance of following their passions.

If you want to dive deeper into parenting strategies check out this article ‘How to Balance Working from Home and Being a Parent’ and ‘Should Parents Feel Guilty for Not Volunteering at School?’

How to Set Goals and Achieve Them in the New School Year

Nadya Sharfina · December 28, 2023 · Leave a Comment

“A new school year is a voyage; goals act as our compass, offering direction and purpose, guiding us through challenges, nurturing focus beyond grades, and building resilience for life’s unexpected turns.”

Starting a new school year feels like embarking on a major trip. Creating goals is the way to chart out a milestone map. Goals provide us with a feeling of direction and purpose, ensuring that we are not simply wandering through the school year. Whether it’s studying for exams, developing as a person, or participating in extracurricular activities, goals keep us focused and motivated. It’s not just about obtaining good grades; it’s about developing the ability to deal with whatever life throws at us.

Understanding Goals

Have you wondered what goals mean? People frequently use the word “goal” synonymously with phrases like “dreams” and “expectations.” Dreams can become goals, but they are not the same thing. Dreams, which usually come from our deepest wishes, live in the world of imagination.

Goals and expectations are also not the same thing. Assume you want to achieve at least 3 A1s or more this semester. There are expectations, such as attending all classes, scheduling particular study hours, seeking assistance when needed, and submitting assignments on time. However, let’s face it, expectations don’t always match up with reality.

A goal can be defined as a set result that is envisioned and planned for with a commitment made to achieving it. It is useful to give yourself a deadline in order to ensure that the goal is reached within a finite time period. Goals serve as a guide, guiding us through the difficult areas of life, school, and personal development.

Steps to Help You Set Effective Goals

Setting effective goals demands an organised approach. Here are some thoughtful measures to assist you with this task:

Step 1: Make a Plan

Once you’ve determined your goal, the first step is to develop a precise plan. This plan should detail the things you need to complete and when you need to complete them. For example, if you want to increase your academic performance, it’s important to create a schedule for studying and doing homework.

Step 2: Break Down the Goal

Instead of hurrying, divide your big goal into smaller, more achievable chunks. This not only makes it easier to achieve, but it also keeps you motivated by breaking down your path into manageable steps.

Step 3: Create a Resource List

Achieving goals frequently necessitates the use of tools and resources. Planners, websites, YouTube videos, books, or even movies can all be extremely beneficial.

Here are some excellent motivational books and films to get you started:

The Magic of Thinking Big, by David J. Schwartz: This book emphasises the importance of cultivating a positive mindset, setting ambitious goals, and taking action to turn those goals into reality. It encourages readers to believe in their abilities, overcome fear and procrastination, and develop habits that contribute to success.
How to Calm Your Mind, by Chris Bailey: This book assists readers in being more productive during stressful situations. Author Chris Bailey, who personally experienced stress, burnout, and fatigue, discusses how finding calm and reducing mental load may lead to a more fulfilling existence. His book can help people become more involved and focused.
The Blind Side (2009): The film emphasizes the theme of nurturing and support in helping someone achieve their goals. It showcases the transformative journey of Michael Oher, who goes from being homeless and struggling to finding success as a skilled football player.
The Swimmers (2022): It’s a biographical drama movie about two young sisters who fled their home country of Syria in 2015 when their house was destroyed during the civil war. Their goal was to compete in two swimming events at the Rio Olympics as part of the Refugee Olympic team. This story will inspire you to set goals and to see them through despite the setbacks that you face.

Step 4: Make Some Ground Rules

Setting some ground rules for yourself is necessary for staying focused. These principles serve as guidelines, ensuring that you stay on course and avoid distractions. Creating and sticking to personal guidelines is critical to achieving your goal.

Consider creating a Time Management Rule to ensure productivity by allocating certain time slots for study sessions and minimising breaks. Another important rule is the Technology Distraction Rule, which advises you to keep electronic gadgets on mute and to set up specific times to check messages to avoid continual interruptions. A Task Prioritization Rule, which entails creating daily or weekly to-do lists that highlight critical tasks and priorities, can also be effective. By following these ground rules, you can enhance your ability to focus and increase your chances of achieving your goals.

Step 5: Stay Motivated

It is critical to maintain motivation during the challenging process of reaching a goal. Achieving success on a specific test, for example, can be one of these small victories in an academic context. Don’t be quick to give up if you receive a low score on exams or assignments. You can feel sad or engage in activities to heal yourself but don’t linger too long. Time passes quickly, and you have many things to do if you want to achieve your goals.

Step 6: Set Up a Deadline

When you set a specific endpoint for achieving your objective, it helps you stay organised and feel a sense of urgency. Knowing that there is a visible finish line inspires you to keep working hard and keeps you inspired throughout the road. A deadline can help you put your objective into a more planned and attainable strategy, making the path to accomplishment clearer and more doable.

Step 7: Track Progress

Checking your progress regularly is critical in the goal-setting process. This entails establishing milestones, or points at which you can see how far you’ve progressed. Setting a goal for a specific grade on an upcoming test, for example, can be a way to measure your progress if you want to improve academically.

Why Setting Goals is Important for You

Reason 1: Goals Maintain Your Progress

Having goals is similar to having a road map for our dreams. They assist us in determining where we are headed and why. It’s like a small push that keeps us motivated and focused so we can always make progress, whether in school or in other areas of our lives.

Reason 2: Goals Conquer Big Challenges.

We all have big dreams, don’t we? They can appear difficult at times, like ascending a massive mountain. However, goals are like breaking down a large mountain into smaller slopes. It makes things less frightening and allows us to enjoy each stride we take. It’s not about doing everything all at once; it’s about conquering little by little.

Reason 3: Goals Promote Accountability

Goals hold us accountable for our actions. We are more likely to stay on track when we set goals with concrete plans. It’s similar to assuring ourselves that we’ll get things done. This teaches us excellent habits and how to manage our time and decisions.

Goals motivate you to strive for excellence.

Reason 4: Goals Challenge You

They’re like a friendly competition with ourselves. We are inspired to accomplish better when we aim high. It’s not only about grades; it’s about becoming a better person, stretching our limits, and feeling satisfied with what we can do.

Reason 5: Goals Prepare You for Adulthood

Setting goals is a valuable ability to have as you grow older. It is for life, not only for school. When we learn how to develop and achieve goals, we are preparing for adulthood. It prepares us to face obstacles, make wise decisions, and succeed in whatever we choose to do next. It’s like our future secret weapon.

In conclusion, setting goals is a smart and strategic process. By planning carefully, breaking goals into doable steps, using resources wisely, setting personal rules, staying motivated, adding deadlines, and regularly checking progress, we can work towards success. Whether it’s improving grades or pursuing a different goal, these phases provide us with a road map to follow. As we use these ideas, we not only increase our chances of success but also develop talents that will benefit us in many aspects of our lives. Remember that while obtaining a goal is essential, so is the journey, and understanding how to create objectives is a skill that will serve us well throughout our lives.

The ‘O’ Levels: How to Achieve Your Goals

Rebecca Samuel · April 6, 2023 · Leave a Comment

"Goal setting may appear to be a simple process. However, in order to be productive and effective, a goal must be specific and clear."

Achieving your goals of doing well for your O level examinations may not be as daunting as you think. There are steps you can take, and help that you can depend on. If you develop good habits and achieve consistency, there are hardly any limits to what you can achieve with your life!

Goal Setting

Take some time to sit down and really think through the goals you plan to achieve. It is often useful to start with the end in mind, e.g. planning on studying marine biology in a university overseas or getting into a JC of your choice. These are end goals that will help you to see the bigger picture, and keep you motivated. You can then set out individual goals for each of your subjects. Finally, work on the plan to attain each of these goals. It can involve reading one book a month to improve on your English or working on one question type for a particular topic every day for Math. Break down the steps to attain your bigger goals into very small, attainable goals.

Managing Expectations

Figure out which subjects you need more help for, and which ones you can handle by yourself. If you have been consistently failing or obtaining a C5/C6 in a subject, it is unrealistic to set a goal of getting an A1 by the next exam. Work your way up to a better grade slowly but surely. Remember, consistency is key.

Don’t compare yourself to others; focus on your own progress and improvement, setting realistic expectations that align with your abilities and efforts.

Honing Study Habits

Your study habits are the most important element of your exam preparation. Every student learns differently, so stick to what works for you. You might be a morning person or a night owl, someone who can only work with colour coded notes or with copious amounts of coffee. Try out any of the tips below:

Minimise or remove all distractions from your study space (this includes putting your phone on work/study mode or leaving it outside your room)
Take breaks – try out any interval that works for you e.g. 40 minutes study time with 10 minute breaks or 25 minutes study time with 5 minute breaks.
Study in a conducive space – ensure it is quiet, cool enough and distraction free.
Set a study goal for each session, and ensure that you meet it to the best of your ability. This will give you a sense of accomplishment.
Reward yourself! Rewards can be anything which give you a feeling of contentment and spur you on to keep studying!
Ask for help: Grinding away during study sessions without progress can be discouraging. Try out tuition sessions at https://curio.sg/programmes/
Study with a group of like-minded friends. You can keep each other motivated as well as help one another with more challenging topics.

Achieving your goals may seem like a daunting task, especially if there are subjects you are struggling with. Speak to your parents, teachers and tutors and get some tailor made advice. Start early and stick to a solid plan. You’ve got this.