Resources for Parents & Educators - CURIO SG

“Open conversations on sensitive topics are opportunities to teach kids about the value of empathy and respect for others.”

Young people often learn about gender identity and LGBTQAI+ issues through friends, at school, or the media before ever discussing it with their parents. Many of the terms may be confusing to understand and easy to misinterpret. Unlike in the recent past, acceptance, and inclusivity preached by other youth are becoming the norm rather than the exception. Most kids however would still benefit from open conversations with their parents on the topic. Every parent wants the best for their children. However, providing support is not always easy, particularly if you are the parent of an LGBTQ child.

Understanding LGBTQ and Sexual Orientation

The letter “LGBTQ” is generally used to describe sexual orientation. This acronym is an abbreviation for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (or questioning)”

The term “transgender” refers to gender identity, and not sexual orientation. Gender refers to whether a person is male or female. Transgender people may have one gender’s body but believe they are of the opposite gender.

Meanwhile, sexual orientation refers to a person’s emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to another person. There are various types of sexual orientation, such as:

Heterosexual

Males are romantically and physically attracted to heterosexual females, and heterosexual females are romantically and physically attracted to heterosexual males. Heterosexuals are often referred to as “straight.”

Homosexual

People who are romantically and physically attracted to people of the same gender.

Bisexual

People who are romantically and physically attracted to people of both sexes.

Asexual

People who are not interested in sex, sexual feelings, or desires.

Create a Safe and Nurturing Environment

The first step towards discussing LGBTQ issues is to create a safe and nurturing environment where your children can express their opinions on the topic, free of judgment. Your child may have noticed that LGBTQ children in their school may face sexual orientation discrimination at school, or even within their own families. If your child is confused or has questions about his or her identity and orientation as well, it is incredibly important that understanding and support come from you as the parent.

The next step is to have meaningful conversations on LGBTQ issues about gender identity and sexual orientation. You could start by simply asking them how they identify or what makes them feel comfortable. You can also discuss topics such as LGBTQ history and current events, which will help kids understand the cultural aspects of being LGBTQ in today’s society.

It is essential to remind LGBTQ children that everyone is unique and that it is acceptable for people to express themselves in whatever way feels natural and comfortable to them. Remind them that exploring gender identity and sexual orientation is an ongoing journey and that they do not need to rush into any opinions or decisions.

Educate Yourself and Remain Open-Minded

Parents should also educate themselves on the subject of gender and sexual orientation. Be open-minded and willing to learn because children who identify as LGBTQ may face issues that are unique to their experience.

There are numerous excellent resources available online and offline to help you better understand LGBTQ identities and experiences. Here are a few examples:

Books

Family Pride by Michael Shelton: This book is about what LGBTQ families should know about navigating home, school, and neighbourhood safety. It is a great book emphasizing community safety for queer families and allies.

Love Comes First by Bradford Kolb, MD, FACOG & Melinda Maerker: This book is about LGBTQ families’ inspiring stories. This also includes expert advice on raising LGBTQ children, ranging from adoption to surrogacy, a tour of biology, and the latest reproductive medicine technologies from an LGBTQ perspective.

This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids by Dannielle Owens-Reid and Kristin Russo: Written in a simple Q&A format. The authors have extensive experience answering parents’ numerous questions and providing insight and guidance on emotional and practical issues.

YouTube

Queer Kid Stuff: This channel provides LGBTQ and social justice media to children and families. They produce videos, podcasts, newsletters, and various other media.

Shame Proof Parenting: Mercedes Samudio is a best-selling author, speaker, and parent coach. In this episode, she speaks with John Sovec about how to support a child who identifies as LGBTQ and helps teens and parents navigate the process of coming out.

Powered by Rainbows: Every week, this channel offers LGBTQ videos that include highly researched classes, documentaries, interviews with experts and activists, and so many more.

Communities / Organizations (Singapore based)

The T Project: This is Singapore’s first and only social service that caters to the needs of the transgender community. The T Project runs a transgender women’s shelter, a community center, counseling services, and trans reading materials.

Sayoni: The organization was founded in 2006 by six women from diverse backgrounds to empower queer women, including lesbian, bisexual, and transgender women. The volunteer-led organization based in Singapore believes that everyone can help improve the lives of the LGBTQ+ community.

The Purple Alliance: This is a safe space that promotes the well-being of LGBTQA people. It gives them the ability to share their stories and provides them with the resources they require.

Parents should be aware of any LGBTQ-related activities that children may be interested in attending (such as LGBTQ pride festivals or LGBTQ-focused events at schools) and support participation if they feel comfortable doing so. You could also Introduce kids to movies and other forms of media that feature LGBTQ characters or themes. Doing so will give children exposure to the issues and stories surrounding the topic.

Respect Your LGBTQ Child’s Privacy

Remember that the gender identity and sexual orientation of LGBTQ children are private matters. It is critical to remind your child to respect others’ privacies as well as protect your LGBTQ child’s privacy and not reveal any personal information about them without their consent. This includes not discussing LGBTQ issues with other family members or friends without the child’s permission. Parents should be aware that their children may be reluctant to discuss their gender identity or sexual orientation in public.

Family Rejection

The rejection of LGBTQ children by their own families is a tragedy that has been going on for far too long. This heartbreaking situation can leave deep emotional scars and lead to devastating consequences, such as drug addiction, depression, and self-harming behavior, including suicide attempts.

While this problem is often attributed to the children themselves, it is rooted in society’s attitude towards LGBTQ children and how parents internalize those attitudes. In many cases, the shame caused by parental disapproval can be so great that parents will reject their children instead of embracing them.

When engaging children in dialogue, be sure to let your children know that you support them unconditionally and that you are always there for them if they ever need anything.

"Parents can prepare for these conversations by broaching age-appropriate topics and practicing effective communication methods with their kids.”

Discussing sex education with kids can often be difficult or awkward. It is important to discuss it however, as it teaches kids about their bodies, about making safe and healthy decisions, and fosters open, honest dialogue between parent and child. Read on for some suggestions on talking openly about this sensitive subject with your kids.

Introduce the Topic of Sex to Your Kids

Photo by Sebastian Pandelache on Unsplash

Introducing the topic of sex to your kids is an important parenting skill to have. Experts recommend that parents begin talking to their children about sex before any formal sex education in school. As children enter adolescence, the conversation should expand to include topics such as consent, healthy relationships, contraception, and the emotional aspects of sexual intimacy.

As kids grow, their comprehension of sex and sexuality changes, so it is essential to tailor the conversation accordingly. For example, when discussing sex with preschool-aged kids, parents should focus on introducing basic concepts like proper names for body parts and relationships between family members.

With school-aged or adolescent kids, parents can cover more complex topics such as sexual health, gender identity issues, and concerns about sexual safety.

Parents can help build trust and respect between themselves and their kids through these conversations while ensuring that their kids have a comprehensive understanding of sexual health as they enter teen or adulthood.

Explaining Puberty

Puberty is often a confusing period in a child’s life. Parents should discuss these topics in a safe and non-judgmental environment with their kids so that they can gain a better understanding of their changing bodies and feelings. Parents should discuss their child’s physical changes, such as growing taller or developing acne.

Hormones change the way a kid’s body looks on the outside, but they also cause changes on the inside. During puberty, kids may feel confused or experience strong emotions that they have never experienced before. They may be overly sensitive or easily upset. Parents should address emotional changes or the development of deeper relationships with friends as well as crushes.

Boys begin puberty between the ages of 9 and 14 and typically reach puberty two years later than girls. If your son begins to show signs of puberty before age 9 or no signs of puberty have appeared by age 15, talk to a doctor about it. Signs of puberty that you can tell your boys to look out for include:

Coarse, curly hair sprouting above the penis and on the scrotum
Testicles will get bigger
Erections may start to happen
Ejaculation: the release of sperm containing semen – will occur
Ejaculation during sleep may happen, and is called a ‘wet dream’
Hair will continue to grow under arms and on the face
The voice will crack and grow deeper

Girls typically start puberty 2 years earlier than boys, between the ages of 8 and 13. Periods (menstruation) typically begin around the age of 12. Signs of puberty that you can tell your girls to look out for include:

Breast development
Coarse, curly hair appearing on the labia
Hair growing in the underarms
Hips will start to widen
Abdominal cramps just before their first period
Spotting of blood on the underwear just before their first period

Both boys and girls will undergo emotional changes in varied ways. Some changes to look out for include:

When kids start worrying about what people think of their appearance
They may start to concentrate more on the way they look and dress
Becoming more concerned about their privacy
They may become moodier
Kids might want to focus on their friends rather than their families, showing less affection towards parents

Books, Podcasts, Videos, and Other Resources

Parents can provide their kids with resources to help them navigate the complex issues surrounding sex education. By doing so, parents offer their kids reliable and accurate information about sex and sexual health. These can include websites, books, pamphlets, podcasts, and even online forums where kids can ask questions in a safe, nonjudgmental environment.

Here are some books, podcasts, and videos on teaching kids about sex, puberty, and relationships:

Books

Ready, Set, Grow! by Lynda Madaras: This book contains everything you need to know about girls’ bodies and puberty. Detailed, but written in a friendly tone that addresses typical teenage angst. Suitable for preparing younger girls for puberty or for girls who have already begun puberty.

Let’s Talk about Body Boundaries, Consent & Respect by Jayneen Sanders: A fantastic resource for discussing consent in a thoughtful and non-threatening manner, ensuring that kids understand their body safety rights while also respecting the rights of other kids.

How to Talk to Your Child About Sex by Linda and Richard Eyre: The authors emphasize that it is never too early or too late to begin discussing sex and values with your kids, and they have tried-and-true methods for making it easier.

Podcasts

ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show: Talking with your spouse or partner, strategizing, and committing to answering truthfully to your children about sex are some of the action plans Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo recommend to parents in this podcast.

Life Kit: What are sex, genitals, consent, and self-touching? This episode of the podcast assists parents in overcoming their ambiguity and discomfort about sex education so that they can raise healthy and responsible kids.

Conversations with Dr. Jennifer: This Podcast covers why discussing sex with kids can be so difficult. This includes how to be a good mentor in early childhood to adulthood and age-appropriate sexuality conversations to have with your kids.

Videos

Vanessa and Xander Marin: Did you know that children who talk about sex with their parents make better decisions about their sexual lives? This video provides you with more information. Vanessa is a sex therapist, and together with her husband helps parents who are struggling to talk to their children about sex and offers advice.

Nicholeen Peck – Teaching Self Government: Nicholeen Peck is regarded as one of the most effective parenting experts in the world. Discussions centre around fixing behavioral issues in children, increasing family unity, or simply strengthening family relationships. In this episode, she discusses sex education and other age-appropriate topics.

Watchwellcast: This video explains the stages of puberty as well as what happens in children’s bodies and minds during puberty. Watchwellcast also decodes puberty in girls and boys in separate videos with great animation.

Providing resources will help kids gain the knowledge they need to make informed decisions. Parents must provide factual information to their kids rather than making up answers or using slang terms.

Kids should also be taught that it is acceptable to not have all of the answers. They can be encouraged to seek trustworthy information or guidance from healthcare providers, educators, or other responsible adults when in doubt.

Emphasise Consent, Respect, and Boundaries

When discussing sex with their kids, parents should emphasise the importance of consent and respect. Explain that:

all sexual activity must be consensual and that anyone can say “no” at any time without repercussions.
respect means honouring people’s boundaries

Sexual abuse is an often-overlooked topic in parenting and sex education. Parents need to discuss this subject with their kids because sexual abuse can have long-term psychological and physical effects on victims. Explain to kids that any type of unwanted or nonconsensual contact with private body parts, including touching, fondling, kissing, or intercourse, is considered sexual abuse.

Rape, incest, child molestation, and other forms of relationship coercion are serious topics that ought to be discussed and understood as well. Parents should also discuss how anyone, regardless of gender identity or age, can be a victim; and that no one has the right to force someone into unwanted sexual contact.

Remind your kids that if they ever feel uncomfortable in a situation or suspect that they have been sexually abused, they can always seek help. Encourage your kids to come forward if anything inappropriate occurs. Make sure your kids know who they can turn to besides you if they feel unsafe or scared, such as teachers, nurses, doctors at school, or healthcare professionals outside of school.

Discuss Abstinence-Only Approach vs Other Options

When discussing sex education with kids, parents may choose the abstinence-only approach, but it is ineffective in providing comprehensive sex education. It can even lead to negative outcomes such as higher rates of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections amongst teens. This method only offers abstinence as a means of protection against such risks, which is insufficient.

To provide their kids with a more informed perspective on sex, parents can opt for a more comprehensive approach that includes topics such as STD (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) awareness, contraception, and consent. This method of sex education is more effective in lowering STI (Sexually Transmitted Infections) rates and unwanted pregnancies.

Sex education is critical for kids of all ages. It teaches kids about their bodies and how they work, as well as about self-esteem and relationships. When parents communicate their opinions and advice in a well-informed manner and in a loving, accepting environment, kids can grow up safe and healthy.

How to Discuss LGBTQ Issues With Your Child