Journal

"There's no universal playbook for parenting—just what works best for your family."

Parenting is never one-size-fits-all because every child is different. What works for one family might not suit another, which is why understanding parenting styles is important. 

Beyond popular parenting terms like “tiger parents” or “elephant parents” there are two distinct styles often discussed: helicopter parenting and free-range parenting. Helicopter parents are highly involved, often stepping in to solve problems or prevent mistakes, while free-range parents encourage independence and allow their kids to navigate the world with less supervision.

Though these methods are opposites, both methods focus on helping children grow into confident and capable individuals. But how do you decide which approach—or combination—works best for you? Read on to find out.

1. Helicopter Parenting Signs

Feelings of Anxiety
Many parents feel anxious due to worries about the economy, job market, or general safety of the world. These concerns can lead parents to become more involved in their child’s life, wanting to protect them from potential harm or disappointment. This increased anxiety can result in a more controlling approach as parents try to create a secure environment for their children.

The desire to shield children from every possible challenge comes from a place of care, but it often leads to parents being overly involved in their child’s daily life. This level of concern can cause parents to oversee activities and decisions that the child could manage on their own.

Helping Your Child in Social Interactions
Helicopter parents often step in to manage their child’s social problems, such as conflicts with peers, teachers, or other authority figures. This involvement can include speaking directly to the adults involved or finding solutions to disputes on the child’s behalf. Parents may feel that dealing with these issues themselves is the best way to support their child’s well-being and success in social situations.

Organising Everything
Helicopter parents often take control of tasks that children could manage on their own, like organising their rooms, folding their clothes, or even completing school assignments. This behaviour usually comes from a desire to keep everything orderly and ensure things run smoothly. Some parents may go even further by contacting teachers to request better grades or even completing assignments for their children to meet deadlines.

Compensating for Past Experiences
Parents who felt neglected, unloved, or unsupported during their own childhoods may overcompensate by being highly attentive and involved with their children. This approach is often driven by a desire to provide what they missed out on during their own upbringing. It can show up as excessive monitoring, over-scheduling activities, or being constantly available to ensure their child is comfortable and happy.

While the motivation behind overcompensation is rooted in wanting to make up for past experiences, it can lead to a more involved and controlling parenting style. This often means parents feel the need to be present at all times and manage even the smallest aspects of their child’s life to prevent any negative outcomes.

Comparisons with Other Parents’ Approaches
Parents can be influenced by the actions of others, especially when they notice other parents being highly involved in their children’s lives. Seeing other parents’ constant attention and control can create pressure to match their level of involvement.

The desire to fit in or not be perceived as less committed can push parents to adopt what they view as a more involved approach. This pressure can shift a parent’s natural instincts towards helicopter parenting, leading them to take on more responsibility in their child’s life than they might otherwise choose.

2. Free-Range Parenting Signs

Giving Children Space to Explore
Free-range parents often give their children the chance to explore independently, whether it’s walking to school, playing in the neighbourhood, or spending time at a park with friends. The goal is to help children build confidence and learn to navigate their surroundings on their own. 

These moments are seen as crucial for a child’s development, allowing them to gain the skills needed to deal with real-life situations as they grow. Free-range parents believe that true independence is cultivated through experiences that don’t come with constant parental oversight.

Building Practical Skills 

A key aspect of free-range parenting is giving children the freedom to make their own choices, even when those choices don’t lead to ideal outcomes. This could include decisions such as choosing their own school projects, deciding what activities to participate in after school, or choosing which sport or hobby to pursue. By allowing these small choices, children learn to take ownership of their preferences and actions.

When parents make every decision for their child, it can lead to dependency on parental guidance. Free-range parenting encourages children to trust their own judgment, which builds confidence and helps them develop the skills needed to manage more significant decisions as they grow.

Allowing Children to Make Their Own Decisions
A key aspect of free-range parenting is giving children the freedom to make their own choices, even when those choices don’t lead to ideal outcomes. This could include decisions such as choosing their own school projects, deciding what activities to participate in after school, or choosing which sport or hobby to pursue. By allowing these small choices, children learn to take ownership of their preferences and actions.

When parents make every decision for their child, it can lead to dependency on parental guidance. Free-range parenting encourages children to trust their own judgment, which builds confidence and helps them develop the skills needed to manage more significant decisions as they grow.

Encouraging Unstructured Playtime
Children often have packed schedules filled with organised activities, leaving little time for free play. Free-range parents make an effort to give their children time to play without any set plans. This unstructured time lets kids choose how they want to play, encouraging independent thinking and creativity.

Free-range parents know that play is more than just fun—it’s essential for healthy development. Through unstructured play, children learn to solve problems, build social skills, and use their imaginations in ways that organised activities can’t always provide. This helps them grow self-confidence and a genuine sense of curiosity.

Letting Children Experience Failure
Free-range parenting values the importance of allowing children to make mistakes and learn from them. This approach recognises that real growth and learning often come from experiencing failure firsthand. When children have the freedom to make their own decisions and face the results, they build resilience and essential problem-solving skills.

Making mistakes helps children develop confidence in their ability to handle challenges. Free-range parents view these mistakes as valuable learning opportunities that help kids adapt, learn, and improve. 

3. Pros and Cons of each Parenting Style

Helicopter Parenting Pros and Cons

Helicopter parenting has its advantages, particularly when it comes to addressing challenges children might face. These parents are highly involved and attentive, often stepping in to resolve issues before they escalate. This level of involvement can be beneficial for children who need extra help or reassurance, creating a sense of security that their parents are always there to support them. The prompt action taken by helicopter parents ensures potential issues are dealt with straight away, fostering an environment where children feel cared for and nurtured.

The commitment helicopter parents show can create a structured and supportive environment. They often take a proactive approach, making plans to help their children succeed, especially when academic or personal issues arise. This approach can help children feel confident in their ability to face challenges, knowing their parents are there to help them through difficult times. Such a strong support system can be reassuring and contribute positively to a child’s growth and development.

However, helicopter parenting can also have notable downsides. When parents over-impose their authority and intervene too often, children may feel as though they have little control over their own lives. Constant oversight can prevent them from developing the independence and confidence needed to solve problems on their own. The high expectations helicopter parents often set can lead to anxiety and self-criticism. Children pushed to meet strict standards may become overly focused on avoiding mistakes, fearing they will disappoint their parents. This can hinder their ability to build resilience and may impact their long-term emotional well-being.

Free-Range Parenting Pros and Cons

A major benefit of free-range parenting is that it encourages children to develop strong problem-solving skills. When parents step back and let their children face challenges on their own, kids gain valuable experience in overcoming obstacles and finding solutions. This helps them build a sense of mastery and self-reliance, boosting their confidence in their ability to handle future difficulties. Instead of waiting for an adult to intervene, children learn to assess situations, think critically, and come up with strategies to manage problems independently.

Another advantage is that free-range parenting allows children to explore the world without constant supervision, fostering confidence and autonomy. This independence helps children trust their own abilities and develop resilience. By making their own decisions, they learn to express their opinions and form a stronger sense of self. 

Free-range parenting does come with challenges. One key concern is that unsupervised time can lead to increased risks, as children may encounter situations where they could get hurt or make poor choices. Although parents may see these moments as important learning opportunities, the potential for harm can be hard to accept. Additionally, free-range parents may face criticism from others who view their approach as too permissive or risky. This external judgment can create pressure and make parents question their choices. Despite these challenges, many free-range parents remain committed to nurturing independence and confidence, believing the long-term benefits outweigh the potential drawbacks.

Parents always want to give their children the best start in life, supporting and guiding them as they grow. However, in trying to protect them from negative emotions and experiences, parents can sometimes forget to prepare them for life’s challenges. The key is to adapt your parenting style to suit your child’s needs, as different situations may need different approaches. There’s no need to stick to one method only; combining elements from different styles can help children learn resilience and independence while still feeling supported and safe.

Check out our article: Are You a Tiger Parent or an Elephant Parent?

"Parenting is a journey of knowing when to push and when to protect, always with love in mind."

When it comes to parenting styles, two distinct approaches often emerge: tiger parenting and elephant parenting. Tiger parenting is about being strict, enforcing discipline, and pushing for success. In contrast, elephant parenting leans toward a more nurturing and protective style. They prioritise open communication and understanding, helping kids feel secure in expressing their thoughts and feelings. 

But what are the other signs that define these styles? What kind of parent are you? What is the best parenting style for your family? Finding the right approach may involve blending elements from both styles to meet your child’s needs.

1. Tiger Parenting Signs

Chasing Perfection

Tiger parents often hold their children to extremely high standards, where nothing less than perfection is acceptable. If a child comes home with a B on a test, it’s seen as a disappointment rather than an accomplishment. Even if the child has done their best, tiger parents believe they can still push harder and achieve more. They are convinced their child has more potential that just needs to be unlocked through continuous effort. This pursuit of perfection isn’t limited to academics. Whether it’s excelling in sports like football or mastering a musical instrument like the piano, tiger parents expect their children to be at the top of their game in every area. Settling for less is not an option, and the pressure to achieve perfection can be constant.

Rules Are a Must
In a tiger parent’s household, rules are strict and non-negotiable. These rules are created to maintain discipline and ensure the child stays on the path to success. From completing homework on time to sticking to a specific bedtime, numerous guidelines govern a child’s daily life. Tiger parents make sure their children understand that rules are meant to be followed, not broken. If a rule is violated, consequences follow swiftly and firmly. This reinforces the belief that discipline and respect for rules are essential for success in life, and any deviation from them could lead to undesirable outcomes.

You Set the Priorities
In tiger parenting, parents typically take full control over what’s important in their child’s life. Believing they know what’s best, they set the path and expectations for their children, laying out clear guidelines and determining the priorities to follow. Tiger parents often dictate career aspirations, effectively mapping out their child’s future. The pressure is on for children to meet these ambitions, often requiring them to pursue the dreams their parents envision rather than their own. In this dynamic, a child’s personal preferences and passions often take a backseat, as the parents’ decisions guide the trajectory of their future.

Every Move Counts
Parents who adopt this style are intensely engaged in nearly every facet of their child’s life, including social interactions. Nothing escapes their attention. For example, instead of allowing their child to hang out with friends after school, they’ll ensure homework is completed and extracurricular activities are prioritised. In some cases, they may even control which friends their child is allowed to spend time with, believing that surrounding them with the “right” influences will lead to better outcomes. There’s little room for laziness in this environment; productivity is key. Tiger parents consistently guide their children on what to do and how to do it, reinforcing the idea that every move counts toward achieving their goals.

Success Is Key
Success is the ultimate goal for tiger parents. They emphasise to their children the importance of being successful in every endeavour. Failure is not seen as the end, but rather as a stepping stone to try harder and push further. If their child fails at something, tiger parents will encourage, or sometimes even demand, that they try again until they succeed. The mindset is that giving up is never an option, and there’s always room for improvement. This constant push for more can help children strive for excellence, but it also means there’s little time for rest or complacency. The pressure to continuously achieve and reach new heights is ever-present in a tiger parent’s household.

2. Elephant Parenting Signs

Give Emotional Support
Elephant parents possess nurturing qualities that focus on creating a supportive environment for their children. They prioritise emotional well-being and strive to build a safe space where kids can express their feelings openly. For instance, if a child comes home upset about receiving bad grades, the elephant parent is the first to step in to cheer them up. Rather than responding with criticism, they listen attentively, validate their child’s feelings, and provide words of encouragement. By boosting their child’s confidence and reassuring them that improvement is possible, they emphasise the belief that with effort and perseverance, achieving excellent scores is within reach.

Navigating Together
These parents do not believe in making every decision or taking every action on behalf of their child. Instead, they prioritise communication and foster a collaborative decision-making process. They ask their children about their interests, desires, and feelings regarding various activities. By doing so, they empower their children to take ownership of their choices and consider their happiness and satisfaction in each decision. This approach encourages self-reflection and helps children develop critical thinking skills, as they learn to weigh options and make informed choices. 

Make a Comfortable Environment
A key aspect of this parenting style is the effort to create a comfortable space where children feel at ease asking for help or discussing their challenges. By understanding the importance of building trust and rapport, parents ensure that kids know they can come to them without fear of judgement. Unlike tiger parenting styles, elephant parents teach independence differently by allowing their kids to develop at their own pace. They recognise that each child is unique and may need varying levels of support. When their children face obstacles, elephant parents remain ready to offer assistance and guidance, promoting a healthy balance between independence and support. This open atmosphere encourages children to communicate freely about their struggles and triumphs, fostering a strong parent-child bond.

Tendency to Be More Flexible
Elephant parents tend to avoid strict rules and instead prefer to be flexible with their expectations. They recognise that every situation is different, understanding that what works for one child or circumstance may not work for another. This adaptability allows them to tailor their approach based on their child’s needs, mood, or external circumstances. For example, if a child is feeling overwhelmed with schoolwork, an elephant parent may relax certain expectations or provide extra support during that time. This flexibility promotes a sense of understanding and cooperation within the family, making it easier for children to thrive.

Promote Prosocial Behavior
Encouraging children to socialise with friends is an important aspect of this parenting style, as long as they demonstrate responsibility in their interactions. There is a strong belief that developing solid friendships plays a crucial role in a child’s emotional and social development. They also emphasise the importance of acting with kindness and empathy towards others. By instilling values such as helpfulness and generosity, these parents teach their children to be considerate and compassionate individuals. They model prosocial behaviour in their actions, demonstrating how to be respectful and supportive in various situations. 

3. Pros and Cons of Each Parenting Style

Tiger Parenting Pros and Cons
One of the key advantages of tiger parenting is that children often develop a wide range of skills. This approach instils a strong sense of productivity and ambition, encouraging kids to strive for excellence in various areas. The discipline fostered in a tiger-parent household can lead to children who are goal-oriented and driven, equipping them with the tools to tackle challenges head-on. This foundation of hard work and dedication can set them up for future success in both their personal and professional lives.

However, the intensity of tiger parenting comes with its downsides. Children raised in this environment may struggle with failure, as they might not have learned how to cope with setbacks constructively. This can lead to a lack of empathy towards themselves and others, making it hard for them to express their feelings openly. The pressure to achieve can create a fear of disappointing their parents, which may inhibit emotional development and make it difficult for them to form meaningful connections with peers.

Elephant Parenting Pros and Cons
On the flip side, elephant parenting offers its own set of advantages. By creating a safe space for their children, elephant parents encourage open communication and healthy human interaction. This nurturing environment helps foster strong emotional bonds between parents and children, allowing kids to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. The emphasis on empathy and understanding can lead to well-adjusted individuals who value relationships and emotional intelligence.

Yet, there are some potential drawbacks to elephant parenting. The flexibility that defines this approach might not always meet the expectations of parents who desire more structure or accountability. Some children may take advantage of this leniency, leading to a lack of motivation or direction in their pursuits. In situations where clear guidance is needed, the absence of firm boundaries can leave kids feeling unsure of how to navigate challenges.

4. Finding the Right Approach for Your Family

So, which approach is best for you? Every child is unique and may require different parenting styles as they grow and develop. There are moments in parenting that call for tiger and elephant strategies, and balancing the two can provide the best of both worlds. It’s essential to avoid being too extreme in either direction; a mix of structure and support can create a well-rounded environment for your child.

It’s also important to foster mutual respect and understanding between parents and children. Make sure to be there for them—not just as a coach pushing for performance, but as a supportive parent who listens and guides. Always remember that mental health is crucial; don’t underestimate its importance. Regularly check in on your child to see how they’re feeling emotionally and mentally. The lessons you teach them when they’re young will have lasting effects as they grow older, shaping their values and behaviours in the long run.

Ultimately, both you and your child are on a learning journey. You are learning how to be a good parent, while they are figuring out how to be a good child. Embracing this collaborative growth can lead to a healthy, nurturing relationship that benefits everyone involved.