In 2023, a Singapore teacher was suspended and charged with sexually assaulting multiple teenage girls. In a separate case, a primary school teacher was sentenced to eight years in jail for abusing three young boys. More recently in 2026, a man called Chew Jun Yang, Sean, a 36-year-old Singaporean with a diarrhoea fetish was sentenced to jail for six years and one month after contacting a range of victims, some of them prepubescent males aged 13 to 15 in order to get them to provide him with videos and photographs of themselves being ill. These incidents are reminders of something that is uncomfortable to think about and essential to discuss: how to help your kids navigate relationships with grownups, especially when adults cross the line.
When news of such cases breaks, commentary sometimes surfaces that implies students who were abused bore some responsibility. “It takes two hands to clap,” some say. This is wrong – legally, ethically, and factually. A minor cannot consent to a sexual relationship with an adult in a position of authority. Singapore’s Penal Code makes this explicit: sexual activity between a teacher and a student is illegal regardless of the student’s age or perceived willingness. The law recognises what common sense must also affirm that the power differential between an adult and a child makes true consent impossible.
The responsibility lies entirely with the adult who crossed the line.
This article is not about blame. It is about preparation: what you can teach your child to help them recognise when something is wrong, feel confident saying so, and know that they will be believed.
The Uncomfortable Reality when Adults Cross the Line
Research shows that 93% of child sexual abuse victims know and trust the offender. In Singapore, 443 cases of child sexual abuse were investigated in 2021 alone – and those are only the cases that were reported. Studies consistently find that the majority of cases go undisclosed, often because children do not have the language to describe what happened, fear they will not be believed, or were specifically taught by the perpetrator to keep secrets.
Perpetrators are rarely strangers. They are family members, coaches, tutors, teachers, and family friends – people who already have legitimate access to a child and have spent time building trust with both the child and the family. Understanding this changes how we think about protection. Stranger danger, as a framework, addresses a small minority of cases. The more important conversation is sometimes the one about people your child already knows.
What Grooming Looks Like When Adults Cross the Line
Grooming is the process by which an adult builds a relationship with a child – and often with their family – specifically to create opportunity for abuse. It rarely looks alarming at first. It often looks like kindness.
Warning signs include:
Excessive special attention. An adult who singles your child out for gifts, extra help, or special privileges without obvious reason. Favouritism, when it comes from an adult in authority, is worth examining.
Normalising secrecy. “This is just between us.” “Don’t tell your parents.” Any adult who asks a child to keep secrets from their parents – about gifts, conversations, or meetings – has crossed an important line. Safe relationships with adults do not require children to hide things from their families.
Pushing physical boundaries gradually. Grooming often begins with touch that seems innocent – a hand on the shoulder, a hug that lasts a little long – and escalates slowly enough that neither the child nor the parent notices the progression.
Creating private channels of communication. Texting or messaging a student outside of official channels, especially late at night or about non-academic topics, is not normal teacher behaviour.
Isolating the child. Arranging to spend time alone with a child, away from peers or other adults, particularly when it is not necessary for the stated purpose (tutoring, coaching, etc.).
Five Things to Teach Your Child
1. Their body belongs to them and no exception applies to authority figures. Many children are taught to respect and obey adults. This is appropriate, but it requires a clear caveat: no adult – not a teacher, coach, tutor, relative, or family friend – has the right to touch them in ways that make them uncomfortable or that involve private body parts. Authority does not override body autonomy. Make this explicit. Children who understand this are better equipped to identify when a line has been crossed.
2. Safe secrets and unsafe secrets are different things. A safe secret is a surprise party that will be revealed soon. An unsafe secret is one an adult asks them to keep from their parents – especially about physical contact, gifts, or private conversations. Teach your child that any adult who asks them to keep something secret from their family is asking them to do something wrong, regardless of how the request is framed.
3. It is always okay to say no to an adult and always okay to tell you. Some children worry that reporting something will get an adult in trouble. Others fear they will not be believed, or that they will be blamed. Tell your child directly and repeatedly: if any adult makes them feel uncomfortable, scared, or confused, you want to know. You will believe them. You will not be angry with them. Nothing that an adult does to them is their fault.
4. Trust their instincts. Children often know something feels wrong before they have the words for it. Teach your child to take that feeling seriously – the discomfort, the sense that something is off – and to act on it by telling you or another trusted adult. Gut feelings about people exist for a reason. Children should never be encouraged to override theirs out of politeness.
5. They will not be in trouble. This is the most important one. Children who have been groomed are often told that they will be punished, or that no one will believe them, or that they are equally to blame. Repeat this as many times as necessary: whatever happened, they are not in trouble. They did not cause it. And they can always come to you.
What Parents Can Do
Talk about this early and regularly. Research shows that children who receive clear, age-appropriate education about body autonomy and safe versus unsafe touch are significantly more likely to disclose abuse if it occurs. This is not a conversation to have once and consider done – it is a framework to build over time.
Know the adults in your child’s life. A legitimate teacher, tutor, or coach will not object to parental visibility into their interactions with your child. If any adult in your child’s life seems to want an unusually private relationship with them, take note.
Keep communication open. The single most protective factor for children is a relationship with a parent or trusted adult who they believe will listen without judgement and respond without panic. The conversations you have now, about everyday things, build the trust that makes the harder conversations possible.
The goal is not to frighten your child or make them suspicious of every adult around them. Most adults in your child’s life are exactly what they appear to be. The goal is to give your child the tools, the vocabulary, and the confidence to recognise the rare exception – and to know, without any doubt, that they can come to you when they do.
If your child has experienced or disclosed abuse, AWARE’s Sexual Assault Care Centre can be reached at 6779 0282. Families can also contact the Child Protective Service at 1800 777 0000.
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