Are You a Tiger Parent or an Elephant Parent?

When it comes to parenting styles, two distinct approaches often emerge: tiger parenting and elephant parenting. Tiger parenting is about being strict, enforcing discipline, and pushing for success. In contrast, elephant parenting leans toward a more nurturing and protective style. They prioritise open communication and understanding, helping kids feel secure in expressing their thoughts and feelings. 

But what are the other signs that define these styles? What kind of parent are you? What is the best parenting style for your family? Finding the right approach may involve blending elements from both styles to meet your child’s needs.

1. Tiger Parenting Signs

Chasing Perfection

Tiger parents often hold their children to extremely high standards, where nothing less than perfection is acceptable. If a child comes home with a B on a test, it’s seen as a disappointment rather than an accomplishment. Even if the child has done their best, tiger parents believe they can still push harder and achieve more. They are convinced their child has more potential that just needs to be unlocked through continuous effort. This pursuit of perfection isn’t limited to academics. Whether it’s excelling in sports like football or mastering a musical instrument like the piano, tiger parents expect their children to be at the top of their game in every area. Settling for less is not an option, and the pressure to achieve perfection can be constant.

Rules Are a Must
In a tiger parent’s household, rules are strict and non-negotiable. These rules are created to maintain discipline and ensure the child stays on the path to success. From completing homework on time to sticking to a specific bedtime, numerous guidelines govern a child’s daily life. Tiger parents make sure their children understand that rules are meant to be followed, not broken. If a rule is violated, consequences follow swiftly and firmly. This reinforces the belief that discipline and respect for rules are essential for success in life, and any deviation from them could lead to undesirable outcomes.

You Set the Priorities
In tiger parenting, parents typically take full control over what’s important in their child’s life. Believing they know what’s best, they set the path and expectations for their children, laying out clear guidelines and determining the priorities to follow. Tiger parents often dictate career aspirations, effectively mapping out their child’s future. The pressure is on for children to meet these ambitions, often requiring them to pursue the dreams their parents envision rather than their own. In this dynamic, a child’s personal preferences and passions often take a backseat, as the parents’ decisions guide the trajectory of their future.

Every Move Counts
Parents who adopt this style are intensely engaged in nearly every facet of their child’s life, including social interactions. Nothing escapes their attention. For example, instead of allowing their child to hang out with friends after school, they’ll ensure homework is completed and extracurricular activities are prioritised. In some cases, they may even control which friends their child is allowed to spend time with, believing that surrounding them with the “right” influences will lead to better outcomes. There’s little room for laziness in this environment; productivity is key. Tiger parents consistently guide their children on what to do and how to do it, reinforcing the idea that every move counts toward achieving their goals.

Success Is Key
Success is the ultimate goal for tiger parents. They emphasise to their children the importance of being successful in every endeavour. Failure is not seen as the end, but rather as a stepping stone to try harder and push further. If their child fails at something, tiger parents will encourage, or sometimes even demand, that they try again until they succeed. The mindset is that giving up is never an option, and there’s always room for improvement. This constant push for more can help children strive for excellence, but it also means there’s little time for rest or complacency. The pressure to continuously achieve and reach new heights is ever-present in a tiger parent’s household.

2. Elephant Parenting Signs

Give Emotional Support
Elephant parents possess nurturing qualities that focus on creating a supportive environment for their children. They prioritise emotional well-being and strive to build a safe space where kids can express their feelings openly. For instance, if a child comes home upset about receiving bad grades, the elephant parent is the first to step in to cheer them up. Rather than responding with criticism, they listen attentively, validate their child’s feelings, and provide words of encouragement. By boosting their child’s confidence and reassuring them that improvement is possible, they emphasise the belief that with effort and perseverance, achieving excellent scores is within reach.

Navigating Together
These parents do not believe in making every decision or taking every action on behalf of their child. Instead, they prioritise communication and foster a collaborative decision-making process. They ask their children about their interests, desires, and feelings regarding various activities. By doing so, they empower their children to take ownership of their choices and consider their happiness and satisfaction in each decision. This approach encourages self-reflection and helps children develop critical thinking skills, as they learn to weigh options and make informed choices. 

Make a Comfortable Environment
A key aspect of this parenting style is the effort to create a comfortable space where children feel at ease asking for help or discussing their challenges. By understanding the importance of building trust and rapport, parents ensure that kids know they can come to them without fear of judgement. Unlike tiger parenting styles, elephant parents teach independence differently by allowing their kids to develop at their own pace. They recognise that each child is unique and may need varying levels of support. When their children face obstacles, elephant parents remain ready to offer assistance and guidance, promoting a healthy balance between independence and support. This open atmosphere encourages children to communicate freely about their struggles and triumphs, fostering a strong parent-child bond.

Tendency to Be More Flexible
Elephant parents tend to avoid strict rules and instead prefer to be flexible with their expectations. They recognise that every situation is different, understanding that what works for one child or circumstance may not work for another. This adaptability allows them to tailor their approach based on their child’s needs, mood, or external circumstances. For example, if a child is feeling overwhelmed with schoolwork, an elephant parent may relax certain expectations or provide extra support during that time. This flexibility promotes a sense of understanding and cooperation within the family, making it easier for children to thrive.

Promote Prosocial Behavior
Encouraging children to socialise with friends is an important aspect of this parenting style, as long as they demonstrate responsibility in their interactions. There is a strong belief that developing solid friendships plays a crucial role in a child’s emotional and social development. They also emphasise the importance of acting with kindness and empathy towards others. By instilling values such as helpfulness and generosity, these parents teach their children to be considerate and compassionate individuals. They model prosocial behaviour in their actions, demonstrating how to be respectful and supportive in various situations. 

3. Pros and Cons of Each Parenting Style

Tiger Parenting Pros and Cons
One of the key advantages of tiger parenting is that children often develop a wide range of skills. This approach instils a strong sense of productivity and ambition, encouraging kids to strive for excellence in various areas. The discipline fostered in a tiger-parent household can lead to children who are goal-oriented and driven, equipping them with the tools to tackle challenges head-on. This foundation of hard work and dedication can set them up for future success in both their personal and professional lives.

However, the intensity of tiger parenting comes with its downsides. Children raised in this environment may struggle with failure, as they might not have learned how to cope with setbacks constructively. This can lead to a lack of empathy towards themselves and others, making it hard for them to express their feelings openly. The pressure to achieve can create a fear of disappointing their parents, which may inhibit emotional development and make it difficult for them to form meaningful connections with peers.

Elephant Parenting Pros and Cons
On the flip side, elephant parenting offers its own set of advantages. By creating a safe space for their children, elephant parents encourage open communication and healthy human interaction. This nurturing environment helps foster strong emotional bonds between parents and children, allowing kids to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. The emphasis on empathy and understanding can lead to well-adjusted individuals who value relationships and emotional intelligence.

Yet, there are some potential drawbacks to elephant parenting. The flexibility that defines this approach might not always meet the expectations of parents who desire more structure or accountability. Some children may take advantage of this leniency, leading to a lack of motivation or direction in their pursuits. In situations where clear guidance is needed, the absence of firm boundaries can leave kids feeling unsure of how to navigate challenges.

4. Finding the Right Approach for Your Family

So, which approach is best for you? Every child is unique and may require different parenting styles as they grow and develop. There are moments in parenting that call for tiger and elephant strategies, and balancing the two can provide the best of both worlds. It’s essential to avoid being too extreme in either direction; a mix of structure and support can create a well-rounded environment for your child.

It’s also important to foster mutual respect and understanding between parents and children. Make sure to be there for them—not just as a coach pushing for performance, but as a supportive parent who listens and guides. Always remember that mental health is crucial; don’t underestimate its importance. Regularly check in on your child to see how they’re feeling emotionally and mentally. The lessons you teach them when they’re young will have lasting effects as they grow older, shaping their values and behaviours in the long run.

Ultimately, both you and your child are on a learning journey. You are learning how to be a good parent, while they are figuring out how to be a good child. Embracing this collaborative growth can lead to a healthy, nurturing relationship that benefits everyone involved.